What to do when you've made someone angry
Several weeks later, when I was describing the situation to a friend of mine, Ken Hardy, a professor of family therapy, he smiled.
"You made a classic mistake," he told me.
"Me? I made the mistake?" I was only half joking.
"Yes. And you just made it again," he said. "You're stuck in your perspective: You didn't mean to be late. But that's not the point. The point is that you were late. The point — and what's important in your communication — is how your lateness impacted Eleanor."
Restorative justice: Re-storying what happened in Boston
....We have seen some coverage of restorative practices as an alternative model to responding to conflict, particularly in the criminal justice system and with students who misbehave. In essence, the restorative process invites us to sit in circle, and, as a community affected by crime, determine how to best meet the needs of those involved. Restorative justice rejects one-size-fits-all models and prefers creative processes to conflict resolution.
Corktown restorative justice: Community wholeness
The Corktown restorative justice group was initiated following the October 2010 beating of one homeless member of the Corktown community by a resident member. Charges were brought in that case and a trial in that case is anticipated by year’s end. But in the wake of the incident, concerned that this represented a pattern of violence and harassment against street folks, some 40 people gathered to explore alternative forms of community justice.
Since that time a number of things have been accomplished:
….9) Guests at Manna Meal developed a Kitchen and Street Code for posting and circulation among themselves.
Doing restorative justice delicately, deliberately and with dedication
….The things we explore bring us back to key concepts, best practice, ethical efforts. As practitioners of Restorative Justice, I think being delicate, deliberate and dedicated as I have experienced Kay, and tried to be myself, is helpful.
Being delicate. Holding offenders accountable, while holding and creating a strong relationships. Relationships, respect, responsiblity the key pillars of Restorative Justice, can’t me created with force. Check out this link, at 2:30, the segment is promoting OWN Chalkboard Wars. I love how Gayle King puts it “if kids don’t think you care, they don’t care what you think”. Circles are the most powerful and effective ways to show kids you care, and to teach kids a way to care about each other.
Restorative justice and the quickening pace of change
....The other day, I saw a post by my friend and mentor Dominic Barter. Along with many others he has been developing Restorative Circles in Brazil for nearly 20 years, and helping to support others around the world seeking to create their own restorative approaches to conflict. This isn't an easy task when the dominant systems we live in are based on retribution and punishment.
Feb 26, 2013 Support
Your grace with sorrow informs your restorative justice approach
....The type of “informed” work that influences practitioners, the topic of this blog, comes down to the way we carry our own sorrow. I think this impacts the manner and approach with we use with victims, offenders, and community members. From the range of simple to extremely complex cases, our own sorrows (and the grace of which we carry sorrow) comes along to our facilitation experiences. The experiences we have a facilitator also inform our ability to carry sorrow with grace.
More meditations on restorative justice
from the entry by kario on The Writing Life:
….It wasn't until I saw my molester as a human being that I began to heal my own profound wounds. I spent years in therapy, took lots of different anti-anxiety medications and antidepressants, started yoga, and came to a better place, but the REAL freedom from pain came when I forgave him. Not in person (I don't honestly even know if he is alive today), but in my heart.
That doesn't mean that I don't still feel the impact of his behavior in my life and it doesn't mean I would have the courage to meet him face-to-face if I had the opportunity, although I hope I would. It means that I acknowledge that he made a big mistake and, as a human being, he was entitled to do that. It doesn't mean that he is absolved of any wrongdoing, especially since I suspect he molested lots of other children as well, but it means that I don't feel as though I can pass judgment on him and his life. I certainly don't believe he deserves to be killed for his actions, although I did for many, many years.
I enjoy restorative conferencing. I've been awed by the way people share their hearts and address the harms they've caused or experienced. While not everyone will go into a conference, I like offering an opportunity. I've learned that I can serve just by listening to stories when people aren't interested in the conference process. They are interested in someone who will listen to them.
The broken family
....Much has been written about the sociopathic behavior of child molesters, particularly if they are adults who molest their own children. Society has been plagued by such behavior both in the family and in the church. When this type of behavior surfaces in a sleepy agricultural town whose family values embody the very essence of its people, the alleged perpetrators are never able to regain their reputation. People begin to look over their shoulders and question whether their neighbors are who they think they are. The concepts of trust and faith are rocked to the bone. This is why few crimes carry as much social disgrace as child molestation. Most people would rather be accused of armed robbery.
11 ways to commit to restorative justice practices
When relationships don’t matter, we are more inclined to do bad things. There has been a lot of media in my neck of the woods this fall, around broken relationships, and doing bad things.
I think there is no time like this time, to focus more on our relationships to each other, as a measure of “justice”. After all, we are all connected. Restorative justice is about restoring broken relationships. Restorative practice is the heartbeat of restorative justice.
Restorative practices are collaborative practices.
Dec 19, 2012 Support