Walla Walla prison restorative dialogue
Oct 20, 2011
From the article by Lorenn Walker on the Restorative Practices Blog:
Colleen Shapel’s husband Bob, who was also her best friend for most of her life, was senselessly murdered in a February 2004 robbery. Melissa, Colleen’s oldest daughter, and William Schorr, a co-defendant who plead guilty to the murder, also participated in the restorative dialogue (another defendant who was determined to be most responsible for the murder refused to participate).
After I was first contacted, and until the dialogue was finally conducted six months later in July, I spoke on the phone with Colleen, Melissa and William frequently. I met Colleen and Melissa in person several times a few days, and William a few hours, before the dialogue.
I felt my job was to mainly listen to their pain, and simply be present with them in their suffering.
... As my conversations continued over the months with each person, I listened and we talked about anything they wanted. Eventually the idea of forgiveness came up with Colleen.
The word forgiveness triggers many emotions for people. It means different things to different people. While some restorative justice practitioners and trainers reportedly advise facilitators and mediators to, “Never mention the F word” to people they work with, I openly discussed forgiveness with Colleen.
Initially she explosively said, “I can never forgive for this!” I explained my understanding to her. “Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting Bob or dishonoring him. It is never right to condone bad behavior. Forgiveness can simply be taking the energy it takes being resentful and angry, and instead putting it into something positive that you want in life.”
... The meeting occurred on a dark cloudy day, and took about 4 hours. They were some of the most intense hours I have ever witnessed. The dialogue and outcomes were “unbelievable” according to prison staff and other observers.
At the end of the meeting Colleen said she wasn’t “ready to forgive,” but she sobbed and tightly hugged William. Earlier she has said, “You seem like a nice guy.” “I’m sorry we’re meeting under these circumstances,” William replied.
Many of us cried during the dialogue including some strong looking men with many years experience as correctional officers. After Colleen hugged William, so did Melissa, and so did I. “It was the first time I was hugged in seven years,” said William afterwards.
I have kept in contact with Colleen, Melissa and William since the restorative dialogue and plan to indefinitely. Each one of their voices sounds stronger, they are more cheerful, and they are more hopeful about the future. “My life is completely changed for the better,” said Colleen. “It’s like my mom’s back” said Melissa. “I can sleep better,” said William.
Read the full article.