Working with relationships, be mindful of your own sense of justice.
May 06, 2011
from Kim Miner's entry on Restorative Justice and Circles:
....An example of justification in a case:
Both parties charged with disorderly conduct. Two young women fought. One threw something at the other, and that “started” it. Further back in time, they were friends, friend A & B. Friend A’s boyfriend cheated on her with Friend B. The friendship ended, the judgements did not, the disagreement escalated, the fight, the court, then restorative justice. When processing the situation restoratively: 1) acknowledge you caused the harm 2) understand from someone elses point of view 3) recognize where you had a choice 4) make amends and 5) take action to change.
Each party was able to determine what could have been done differently – from the cheating, to the throwing of the trash, to the throwing of a punch. Picking different friends and boyfriends were articulated as an action to change. Walking away from conflict instead of fighting, was another realization.
Honestly, I felt like being angry at a friend who cheated with your boyfriend was justified. I don’t think the physical violence was necessary. I had to withhold judgement when I met friend B. I had to remember that I disagreed with the behavior she picked, as much as I disagreed with the behavior to throw garbage at another person or to respond to that in violence.
People can feel when you are judging them. To promote restorative justice, as practitioners you have to be very mindful of being neutral. You can’t get to the heart of the matter, if you don’t do your work heart centered.
